Approach = success

My friend Owen says that in order to be successful one must lower his criteria for success. At first this seems like a "low expectation" statement. However, that's not true. Successful people often start off very unsuccessful. Their burning desire for success and passion for the work itself is what fuels their energy. Continuing to fail over and over again, while keeping your eyes open to improvement is what makes improvement possible. Success is not quitting even when all seems like a loss and your outcomes aren't what they should be. Ironically, when you finally do acheive some success, you begin to expect the most positive outcome and you feel unsuccessful when it doesn't happen for you. Now there's something to live up to. The fire dims and the burning desire is extinguished. Sports taught me this lesson time and time again.

In dating it is especially true that one must lower their criteria for success. Too many people want perfection in all areas of dating and this leads to massive frustration. Frustration is the seed of inaction and nothing gets you worse results in dating than inaction.

If Success in dating is taking action, then what is a man to do? Approach. Women approach you now and then, but it is the responsibility of the man to take the lead. This last weekend approaching was the only criteria I used for success.

On Saturday I went to Club Swing. I arrived with three other friends of mine, Geno, Robbie, and matt. We like to hang out together, but all of us understand why we're at the club. Yes we're at the club to meet women. Women say they're there to dance, drink, etc. This is true, but in their heart of hearts they're all hoping to meet that one guy. That guy could be any of us.

I approach a group of about eight girls. This is terrible logistically, because it can be VERY tricky separating a girl from her pack. Neverthless, success is approach and nothing more. The girls are relatively warm except for one that gives me a nasty face. She says "I don't get guys. What are thinking? What makes them think girls are interested in them?" This is hilarious. I can't speak for all men, but personally I could give a fuck whether a girl is interested or not. It doesn't even factor into why I'm approaching. The approach itself is fun and you don't know what's going to happen until you do approach. A better question could be, why WOULDEN'T I approach???I say back "I don't know. Mostly I'm thinking about molesting girls. I have a white van outside." She freaks out and takes her friends away. haha.

I meet this really cute blonde girl. She likes me, but I get the feeling that her night is not one that will involve a lot of madness. A. she has to work in the morning and B. I can feel it in her body. She's tense. Tension is not good. I move onto a girl sitting on a couch. I sit down next to her and assume familiarity.If you approach as a longime friend, people will more likely treat you as such, stranger or not. I say "This seat is cold. Luckily I'm a mammal and I make my own heat." I say whatever pops into my head. It doesn't have to be good. In fact the shittier your opening line the better. If you try to be too clever it appears planned and who wants to talk to a guy that plans everything out. Boring delux. On the fly/spontaneous is the way to be.

It goes well, but a funny thing happens. Because I assumed familiarity a little too well she thinks I'm with her party. After maybe thirty minutes she says "so how do you know joey" I say "uhhh I don't." Then she says "So you're just some random creeper?" I say "Yes that's exactly what I am. I'm your stalker. I've been following you now for some time and I'm glad we finally had a chance to meet." After that it steadily deteriorates. haha. I coulda played this one solid, but I still coulden't resist. If its funny to me I say it.

I approached all night. There wasn't too much going on, except for one drunk girl I could have easily pulled home. I didn't. Its really no fun babysitting a sloppy drunk. No fun for her or you and it leads to too much weirdness. I go home. I approached and thus the night is a success.

On Saturday I intended to stay in my neighborhood but ended up going to hang out with Geno, Robbie, and my roomate in Geno's neighborhood. We go to Moonstone and Its pretty much dead. Independent man as I am I go to McKinney's, a bar across the way to see whats going on. I approach a blonde on the dancefloor while she's dancing and immediately Its on. After one dance I lead her off the dancefloor and outside. We start making out and escalate physically. I decide Its time to take her to my car. I'm leading her away and then out of the shadows comees her annoying friend.

"NOOOOO! You can't leave past this point right here" she points to the part of the bar on the outside where the windows end. Arrgh. Well, since I can't have it right now I get the number and figure I'll give it a try later on.

I decide to go back to my own neighborhood. I head to The Ox, which is a bar that has a little dancefloor, but is mostly just a social place. There's a lot of loosely organized social circles, which can make it a bit odd when you're alone. However, as in all things, when you're comfortable, other people are comfortable as well. I know the doorguy, so I skip the line and go in. There's a very hot brunette with a group of other girls. I go right in and start chatting her. Within a few minutes I pull her to the dancefloor. I'm not an amazing dancer, but that's ok. Just being comfortable makes me alright. This girl is a bit shy. Its odd how sometimes very attractive girls can be shy, but fuck don't try to "make sense" of girls. Its an emotional/hormonal trip for them, not a mathematical equation.

I'm in a good place with this girl. She's following my lead. However, she's with a bachelorette party. Ugggh. Not good. Big groups are tough and Bachelorette parties are statisically the worst group for hookups. It can happen, but for the most part Its not worth your effort. Nonthless I'm really liking this girl and it appears mutual. We go back and meet her friends. The friends of course are in silly bachelorette mode. Very attractive girls mind you, but not worth the effort. I'm able to keep my girl isolated for pretty long periods of time, which is good. When you're able to isolate a girl she's far less self conscious. The key is to get her from isolation in the bar to isolation elsewhere. The car is a good place. While car sex can be tricky, it can also be a lot of fun :)

I try to get her to the car twice, but she just won't leave the group. This is trouble, but now that I've invested my time I have to keep going. Its closing time and she still won't leave her party. I tell her that we can go get food around the corner. She says "ok, but I have to tell my girls." I say "lets go and you can text them and let them know where we are." She's ok with that. I Lead her to Denny's around the corner. We're in Denny's and alone. Good. Ten minutes later the cavalry comes. Fuck! Well now I'm babysitting 8 girls. Normally that's VERY hard. However, I actually seem to be winning over the group and as it turns out the girl I'm with is the den mom. A man that hangs with the den mom commands the respect of the rest of the girls.

The biggest problem with venue changes is the inevitable drop in energy. You go from dancing, alcohol, and Lady Gaga, to being in Denny's where the food is shit, the coffee is weak, and some drunk dude is vommiting into a bag...yes really in the restaurant. We eat and then Its time to go. I try to get my girl to ride with me, but no go. Fuck it one more try. I tell her that if she doesn't come with me I'm going to have to pick her up and take her. All with a smile on my face of course. She says "sorry but I can't leave my girls. I say "ok then" I pick her up, put her over my shoulder and start to run away. Then I hear "NOOOOO you can't take my sister!!!" Tough to fight with the sister, so I put her down and she says "Hey I had a really good time." Haha, she coulda had a better time. We both know it. However, I'm ok with it. If approaching is the only criteria for success then I'm a resounding success and deserve a massive pat on the back for all of my weekend adventures.

Here's a word on success by Dr. Stephen Covey